TCS: Lay’s Taste of America Part 1

Immediately after impulsively buying these fair food corn snacks I discovered that Lay’s has once again blessed us with new potato chip flavors. I’m just freaking hoarding WW points over here to get these snacks all tasted and reviewed for you all, my lovelies. Apparently Lay’s has re-branded their Do Us A Flavor competition as Taste of America, and there are many more Tastes of America but my store doesn’t carry them, sorry. I’m an optimist though, so I’m calling this post “Part 1!” Gotta catch ’em all!

I would like to report a crime.

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Over the past few days I have spent more time contemplating the existence of ketchup-flavored potato chips than an adult person should ever willfully admit to. Why is my initial reaction to these chips one of fear and disgust? One of the most popular all-time potato chip flavors is basically just barbecue sauce, right? Is ketchup THAT much of a difference? And have we not, as a nation, appropriated all of the world’s fried potato products as vehicles for ketchup? Why not potato chips? Why did Canada beat us to this? Why is a Canadian chip a “Taste of America?” Are there also mustard chips? Anyways, the first bite I was like “I do NOT like this” and then tonight at the grocery store I stood in front of the display for more than a few seconds contemplating buying a second bag. Let’s not speak or think of this again.

Bacon Jalapeno Poppers

Sorry I didn’t get a photo of these. These ones are of the ridged persuasion. They are pretty good. (1) The bacon flavor is truly bacon-y rather than just liquid smoke-y, and (2) I appreciate a potato chip that can achieve a jalapeno flavor without inflicting flaming mouth hellfire and this pulls it off exquisitely. Five star chip.

New England Lobster Roll

These chips are just absolute freaking charlatans. I defy Frito Lay to hold a blind taste test with these chips alongside sour cream and onion chips and find a SINGLE PERSON who can tell the difference. Why do they even taste like sour cream and onion – sour cream and onion are two very strong flavors that are never present in a lobster roll outside of perhaps the potato chips you are sometimes served alongside the lobster roll. I will say that they were a hit with my wife, a person who absolutely hates lobster but loves sour cream and onion chips.

TCS: I’m On To You, Big Cereal

I came across these three items in the same weekend. These are all described as “corn puffs” or “corn snacks,” so naturally I immediately became suspicious that this is just Big Cereal realizing that U.S. breakfast cereal consumption is way down and they need to repackage their products as fun snackies named after fair foods in order to trick us into eating it. Well joke’s on you Big Cereal because you don’t need to trick me into eating dumb garbage like this I will gladly do it willingly and then blog about it.

Trader Joes Churro Bites

This just seemed wrong from the get-go, like obviously corn has absolutely no business anywhere near a churro which is made from a light fluffy waffle-y batter. And then while most traditional churros are naked and waiting for some kind of delicious sauce, the hallmark of the Americanized, fair food churro is obviously the sandy cinnamon sugar coating. I have no clue which of these two scenarios these Churro Bites are trying to achieve, but it has manifested as a hardened cinnamon shellack. I mean really, Joe. They taste… not good. Totally flavorless in the interior, basically a cinnamon glazed packing peanut. They also bear the dubious distinction of being terrible but also addictive (on account of the coating). I cannot recommend these Churro Bites to anyone, put down the bag and get a tub of those twisty things that are up on the shelves over the freezers; they are the same on the outside but taste good on the inside.

Herr’s Sweet ‘n’ Crunchy Funnel Cake Flavored Snack Balls and Cotton Candy Flavored Snack Balls.

I’ll review the funnel cake snack balls and cotton candy snack balls together, because they are essentially the same thing.  I gotta tell you guys, we moved to the burbs and we’re shopping at these neighborhood Massachusetts supermarkets now and I don’t know who Herr’s is or what snack balls are but these things were just on a shelf like they’re a normal thing people would buy on the reg. I’m still getting used to all of this. I was hedging a bit and expected these to taste like either cereal OR dessert cheesy poofs, and to be gross. Well, they are kind of good! They taste weirdly familiar, but it’s not cereal or cheesy poofs – it’s more like sugar wafer cookies, and who doesn’t love those things? Nice job, Herr’s. Do churros next.

TGIF Week 5

Full House

Season 1 Episode 5: Sea Cruise

This episode of Full House is one of those absolute garbage episodes where they dress up the hilarious children in bee costumes and send them away to Grandma’s house in order to focus solely on the motional needs of the manchildren. I honestly can’t think of anything I’d like to watch less than Danny, Jesse and Joey begrudgingly pursue “male bonding” and spit nonexistent game at this week’s Bodycon-clad Aqua Net Goddesses (BANGs). I was also planning to do a whole thing on this blog where I look up who the actresses playing these BANGs actually are and give them the respect they deserve, and sadly the actress who played Roxanna in this episode died of breast AND brain cancer in 2010. So back to the show, then these women all went home with these guys and the show winkingly insinuated that Joey may have possibly had a threesome with two of them? (A) This is Joey Gladstone we are talking about; (B) I am not about to accept that they had a threesome in that alcove; and (C) this is a family show. There is just nothing going for this episode except for the fact that on our quest to figure out how old all of these TGIF characters are, tonight we learned that Jesse is “24-and-a-half” years old. Let’s move on.

Family Matters

Season 1 Episode 5: Straight A’s

In this episode of Family Matters we meet Eddie’s friend Rodney, and learn that Rodney absolutely sucks. He sends a fake straight A report card to Eddie’s house, and everyone believes it, and he thinks this is a real funny gag. We also learn that Carl sucks a little bit too. For example, he lavishes tons of gifts and a new computer and calls Ivy league recruiters for supposedly straight-A Eddie while giving first-B+ in-her-life Laura nary a second thought. When he learns the truth about Eddie’s not-so-great grades, and then realizes the recruiters are still coming, he is surprised that Rachel wants them to come anyway. His first response to her is “Isn’t it a little early for little Richie?” Fine, Rachel just wanted some gentlemanly company but UM HELLO CARL PERHAPS YOU MIGHT WANT TO INTRODUCE THE IVY LEAGUE RECRUITERS TO YOUR LOVELY BRILLIANT AND TALENTED DAUGHTER LAURA WINSLOW WHO IS ONLY A COUPLE OF YEARS YOUNGER THAN EDDIE AND MIGHT ALSO WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE SOMEDAY.

Perfect Strangers

Season 1 Episode 5: Check This

We are now into Episode 5 of the six-episode first season of Perfect Strangers, and basically praying that it finds its stride in season 2. (Wherrrrrrre are the blondes?) In this episode Larry teaches Balki how to commit bank fraud, Balki bizarrely short living room chairs, we learn that Mr. Twinkacetti’s wife’s name is Edwina Twinkacetti. We also talked it out and arrived at a happy consensus that while the show is in fact NOT racist, it IS most definitely culturally insensitive.

Step By Step

Season 1 Episode 5: Frank & Son

Who would have thought that held up alongside everything we’ve just watched, this week’s episode of Step By Step would be a surprising and impressive treatise on gender expectations and conformity. In this episode, Frank wants JT to follow in his footsteps as a contractor, and then sort of freaks out when JT fails miserably and then turns around to absolutely kill it as Shampoo Boy in Carol’s salon. But he then he not only comes around to accept it, he also happily discovers that his daughter Al is actually super good at carpentry (which comes about after she and Dana realize that they should definitely do each others’ homework assignments. They try to frame this as a moral quandry but I see no problem here we all have our talents carry on). Hey, Carl Winslow, check out feminist icon Patrick Duffy over here.

Postscript: Hollywood Darlings

Ok now that all of that TGIF crap is out of the way I need to implore everyone who reads this blog and ever enjoyed any TGIF or WB show to watch Hollywood Darlings on Pop. I know, I know, I rolled my eyes when I first heard about this show about year ago too. I was so wrong. I PROMISE YOU IT IS ONE OF THE BEST AND FUNNIEST SHOWS I HAVE EVER SEEN. If the intriguing friendship of Beverly Mitchell, Jodie Sweetin and Christine Lakin isn’t enough for you, how about cameos by Staci Keanan, Jaleel White, Patrick Duffy, Soleil Moon Frye, Andrew Keegan, Matthew Lawrence, Marla Sokloff, LORI BETH freaking DENBERG? If you, like me, do not have access to this show on the Pop network and are even mildly curious (and if I know you) I will literally Venmo you $10 to buy Season 1 on Amazon. I don’t even know how Venmo works but I will figure it out for you. I need this show to go on forever and never get canceled. Thank you for your time.