TCS: Oreo Churros

As I mentioned previously, I recently found a food item I have been looking for for a long, long time. Oreo Churros. I read about them on Twitter at some point forever ago. It was a very exciting moment for me. I love Oreos. I love Oreo-flavored anything. I particularly like Oreos in softened form. Lastly, I love Churros. This item was a match made in heaven for me. I check the Wegmans freezer cases for them every week (never sure what section they might be found in) was so excited when I found them at Shaw’s (near the frozen cakes, in case anyone was wondering), and made a special trip back to the store a week later to buy them. So exciting!


I should learn never to get too excited. Things went downhill from there.

First of all, the three options for preparing these fuckers are conventional oven, toaster oven, and DEEP FRYING. Why in God’s name do people think anyone is going to deep fry anything they found in a freezer aisle? If I am going to go to the trouble of deep frying, I’d rather make it myself, for fuck’s sake. Your processed shit is gross. But it’s also supposed to be easy. That’s the tradeoff. On no planet is deep frying easy.

So now I’m in a funk where in the back of my mind, I know that clearly this food I am half-assedly preparing would be better if I DEEP FRIED it. Everything tastes good if you DEEP FRY it. But  I have a moral opposition to doing so. Fine. Toaster oven it is. I do, now, have a toaster oven. Having not had one for 10+ years, I know some others aren’t so lucky. Sucks to be you. Have fun keeping these delicate morsels from full-on vaporizing in your oven.


Pulling out the churros from the box, I see there is a packet enclosed. This packet contains Oreo crumbs and sugar. Great. More shit to do. Terrific.


When the baked churro bites emerge from the toaster oven I dutifully toss them in the Oreo detritus. The detritus is not sticking. I bet the detritus would stick if I DEEP FRIED the churros. I am drowning in self doubt. This is the most work I’ve put into a snack in months. It’s the most emotional involvement I have put into a snack in years.

I place the churros on two plates. I pour the unstuck Oreo sugar detritus on top. I present to my wife. “Smells delicious! Oooh, these are tasty!”


For the record, they smelled like burnt chocolate. I am pretty sure the “cream filling” was marshmallow fluff, which is good in it’s own right but should not be allowed anywhere near even the mention of Oreos. They didn’t taste bad, but they were for sure not worth the effort. Avoid.





TCS: Off the Eaten Path Cranberry Granola Kettle Corn

It has been a rough few months.

Put simply, I ran out of foods to try. I had tried every weird thing in my normal triad of Wegmans/Trader Joes/Whole Foods and there was just nothing else to taste without demeaning the purpose of this blog.

I fell into a rut. I started reviewing Gilmore Girls, but it wasn’t the same. I have been sad about it.

Until recently. This all started when I got a bike. As it turns out, there is a bike path that runs directly from my house to my work. Six miles, the entire way alongside a scenic river lined with parks. You hate me, I know. Temper that hate, I still can’t bike to work on weekdays because I am a disgusting sweatmonster, but the Saturday bike to work (and Sunday bike wherever) is my new jam. More recently, I have learned that if I bike in the other direction, I’m a few minutes away from Russo’s, a local fresh produce market that has amazing rare ingredients for everything I want to cook like green papaya for Thai papaya salad and Maplebrook Farm burrata. But even more excitingly, last week I learned that on the way to work there is a Shaw’s, and there is a bridge from the bike path to the Shaw’s, and the Shaw’s has the Oreo Churros that I have been looking for at Wegmans FOR A YEAR.

We will get to the Oreo Churros later, but first I would like to discuss another item I found at Shaw’s, called Off the Eaten Path Cranberry Granola Kettle Corn. The nice/awful thing about riding a bike to a grocery store is that you feel healthy and active and empowered to buy all kinds of crap you should never buy. So I bought this. And many, many other things. More reviews to follow, but this particular snack spoke to me.


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What is that you say?



Snacks for the curious? Don’t mind if I do.

I hope you can tell by the photo that this popcorn is completely shellacked in sugar. This isn’t “Holidrizzle,” it’s about a thousand times worse. Calling this “kettle corn” is like if  someone set a crème brulee in front of you and you were like “ah yes, a lightly sugar-dusted custard! Delicious!” It tastes good, but all candy-coated popcorn should taste good. I wouldn’t brag about it, Off the Beaten Path.

I frequently make what I like to call “Gourmet Chex Mix” which is basically multiple snack foods mixed together. Some cashews, some popcorn, some ricotta salata, some croutons….most of the ingredients vary but a constant is dried cranberries. So, as a result I know that dried cranberries plus popcorn (or anything else, really) tastes better and more cranberrylicious than the dried cranberry flakes on this popcorn. I am satisfied but unimpressed.








The Gilmore Girls Project: WASP Names

Gilmore Girls is a treasure trove of insane New England WASP names that have a longshot chance of being popular in the next 5-10 years. I figured it’s a good idea to keep track:

  • Strobe Straub Hayden
  • Rune
  • Hanlin Charleston
  • Chase Bradford

One of these names could very well be the next Aiden. If it happens, we’ll have Gilmore Girls to thank.