GGP: Season 1, Episode 7: Kiss and Tell

L: 2 Stars

J: 5 stars


L‘s Review:

Hi, I’m Dean Forester.

I’m dreamy. I stock groceries. I rock a white t-shirt and leather jacket like ANOTHER Dean you may have heard of. I am on top of the world because I just had my first date with you, Rory Gilmore, the girl I’ve been following around and watching for months. I know I sort of sound like a stalker, but I should come off more like a smitten puppy dog because this is the WB.

Granted, our first date was with your mother and, yeah, so maybe your mother initiated it, but it that was all part of my master plan. It doesn’t matter “who asked who out.” It was a date. With me and you. And your mom. And it was terrific.

Except for one thing. The date was great and all, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. I am a pure blooded, Chicago-born American man. Tonight I treaded into the Estrodome, and came out unscathed. I am basically invincible. But I need you to know that despite how much I enjoyed our first date that your mother arranged for us and also attended, I did NOT care for your movie selection. I need to know ASAP when you and your mom accept date movie suggestions. I’m not leaving until I get an answer.

Don’t take offense! Charlie and the Chocolate Facory is fine, but it’s simply not my taste. The movie is for children. We just recently became teenagers. I am almost old enough to figure out how to ask a real girl out. I’m too old for Oompa Loompas. Is candy supposed to excite me? A chocolate river? Snozzberries? Please. And it’s not so much what it had – my real gripe is was what was missing. Not enough cocaine. Not enough bare boobs. Not enough suicide. Not enough Burt Reynolds. Not enough Sister Christian. Not enough gay male prostitution in Denny’s parking lots. And certainly not enough prosthetic genitalia. No, not nearly enough of any of these things for Dean Forester’s liking. If you think Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a good movie, I actually feel bad for you both. I have so much to teach you, and also your mother, about film.

Don’t get me wrong. I had a great time. But I just need you to know, that had I my choice, I, Dean Forester, would have STRONGLY preferred Boogie Nights. On my first date with you, the high school sophomore I have a crush on, plus also your mom. Boogie Nights would have been the most appropriate film for the moment. By far. Take it from me, Dean Forester, film connoisseur. It should have been Boogie Nights.

Listen, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, but am Dean fucking Forester. It doesn’t get much better than me. I work for Doosey’s fucking Market. I call soda “pop.” I’ll kiss you in the cornstarch aisle, IDGAF. I will make you a bracelet out of strips of leather and drop a full bus fare to chat with you for one stop like it’s chump change. I am a star. I’m a star I’m a star. I am a big bright shining star.  I don’t ask for much. But Jesus Christ Rory, just let me watch Boogie Nights with you and your mother. This is important to me. For the love of God, when does the guest get to pick the movie?

Dean Forester is the worst. He is an absolute a monster, which you should EASILY realize after this episode, Season 1 Episode 7, in which he ends his first date with Rory (and Lorelai) by making it clear that he much would have preferred to have watched Boogie Nights. Spoiler alert: he never redeems himself.

The Gilmore Girls Project: WASP Names

Gilmore Girls is a treasure trove of insane New England WASP names that have a longshot chance of being popular in the next 5-10 years. I figured it’s a good idea to keep track:

  • Strobe Straub Hayden
  • Rune
  • Hanlin Charleston
  • Chase Bradford

One of these names could very well be the next Aiden. If it happens, we’ll have Gilmore Girls to thank.


The Gilmore Girls Project Primer: The Characters

This entire project will obviously be peppered by our personal love or disdain for all of the characters that make Gilmore Girls great. Full disclosure is important here.

As a point of reference as we go forward, here is a helpful guide to how we feel about every Gilmore Girls character:


All but three can be easily classified into one of three categories: The Best, Normal, and The Worst. Most are self-explanatory, but there are a few obvious things we need to comment on straight away:

Lorelai Gilmore: The Worst of The Worst

Somewhere along the past 10 years we both came to a somewhat surprising realization that could possibly be controversial (or maybe it’s canon, who knows?) in the world of Gilmore Girls enthusiasts: Lorelai Gilmore is a world class asshole. Clearly we think there are a lot of people on this show who are “the worst,” but Lorelai Gilmore is the worst of The Worst.

We’ll get into why Lorelai is the worst in more detail later, but I feel like this is an appropriate warning for all readers. If you love Lorelai Gilmore, please don’t be offended. We liked her the first 5-7 times around. You’ll come around by your 8th viewing. And if you love Lauren Graham, don’t worry, we do too! She is a wonderful, talented actress, and it is totally not her fault Lorelai is a narcissistic, self-destructive jerk. In fact, her portrayal of Lorelai is a master class in subtlety.

Michel: Unclassifiable

Michel is either The Best or Normal or The Worst depending on our moods. Of all the men on the planet, Michel, to me, is the most exhausting kind of man. He’s surly and French and twee and flamboyant (but not gay!) and whiny and lazy and petty and sassy and exacting and apathetic. There is nothing really disputed here, he’s just unclassifiable. And exhausting.

Jess and Logan: Disputed

J is team Jess. L is team Logan. L hates Jess. J hates Logan. There is no middle ground here, no compromise to be had. The key to a successful marriage is knowing what battles are not worth fighting. L‘s love for Logan is the yin to J‘s love for Jess yang, and at the end of the day we can all just agree that anything’s better than Dean.


Did we miss anyone? I’m sure we did! Comment below and we’ll update the list.