Full House
Season 1 Episode 5: Sea Cruise
This episode of Full House is one of those absolute garbage episodes where they dress up the hilarious children in bee costumes and send them away to Grandma’s house in order to focus solely on the motional needs of the manchildren. I honestly can’t think of anything I’d like to watch less than Danny, Jesse and Joey begrudgingly pursue “male bonding” and spit nonexistent game at this week’s Bodycon-clad Aqua Net Goddesses (BANGs). I was also planning to do a whole thing on this blog where I look up who the actresses playing these BANGs actually are and give them the respect they deserve, and sadly the actress who played Roxanna in this episode died of breast AND brain cancer in 2010. So back to the show, then these women all went home with these guys and the show winkingly insinuated that Joey may have possibly had a threesome with two of them? (A) This is Joey Gladstone we are talking about; (B) I am not about to accept that they had a threesome in that alcove; and (C) this is a family show. There is just nothing going for this episode except for the fact that on our quest to figure out how old all of these TGIF characters are, tonight we learned that Jesse is “24-and-a-half” years old. Let’s move on.
Family Matters
Season 1 Episode 5: Straight A’s
In this episode of Family Matters we meet Eddie’s friend Rodney, and learn that Rodney absolutely sucks. He sends a fake straight A report card to Eddie’s house, and everyone believes it, and he thinks this is a real funny gag. We also learn that Carl sucks a little bit too. For example, he lavishes tons of gifts and a new computer and calls Ivy league recruiters for supposedly straight-A Eddie while giving first-B+ in-her-life Laura nary a second thought. When he learns the truth about Eddie’s not-so-great grades, and then realizes the recruiters are still coming, he is surprised that Rachel wants them to come anyway. His first response to her is “Isn’t it a little early for little Richie?” Fine, Rachel just wanted some gentlemanly company but UM HELLO CARL PERHAPS YOU MIGHT WANT TO INTRODUCE THE IVY LEAGUE RECRUITERS TO YOUR LOVELY BRILLIANT AND TALENTED DAUGHTER LAURA WINSLOW WHO IS ONLY A COUPLE OF YEARS YOUNGER THAN EDDIE AND MIGHT ALSO WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE SOMEDAY.
Perfect Strangers
Season 1 Episode 5: Check This
We are now into Episode 5 of the six-episode first season of Perfect Strangers, and basically praying that it finds its stride in season 2. (Wherrrrrrre are the blondes?) In this episode Larry teaches Balki how to commit bank fraud, Balki bizarrely short living room chairs, we learn that Mr. Twinkacetti’s wife’s name is Edwina Twinkacetti. We also talked it out and arrived at a happy consensus that while the show is in fact NOT racist, it IS most definitely culturally insensitive.
Step By Step
Season 1 Episode 5: Frank & Son
Who would have thought that held up alongside everything we’ve just watched, this week’s episode of Step By Step would be a surprising and impressive treatise on gender expectations and conformity. In this episode, Frank wants JT to follow in his footsteps as a contractor, and then sort of freaks out when JT fails miserably and then turns around to absolutely kill it as Shampoo Boy in Carol’s salon. But he then he not only comes around to accept it, he also happily discovers that his daughter Al is actually super good at carpentry (which comes about after she and Dana realize that they should definitely do each others’ homework assignments. They try to frame this as a moral quandry but I see no problem here we all have our talents carry on). Hey, Carl Winslow, check out feminist icon Patrick Duffy over here.
Postscript: Hollywood Darlings
Ok now that all of that TGIF crap is out of the way I need to implore everyone who reads this blog and ever enjoyed any TGIF or WB show to watch Hollywood Darlings on Pop. I know, I know, I rolled my eyes when I first heard about this show about year ago too. I was so wrong. I PROMISE YOU IT IS ONE OF THE BEST AND FUNNIEST SHOWS I HAVE EVER SEEN. If the intriguing friendship of Beverly Mitchell, Jodie Sweetin and Christine Lakin isn’t enough for you, how about cameos by Staci Keanan, Jaleel White, Patrick Duffy, Soleil Moon Frye, Andrew Keegan, Matthew Lawrence, Marla Sokloff, LORI BETH freaking DENBERG? If you, like me, do not have access to this show on the Pop network and are even mildly curious (and if I know you) I will literally Venmo you $10 to buy Season 1 on Amazon. I don’t even know how Venmo works but I will figure it out for you. I need this show to go on forever and never get canceled. Thank you for your time.