Full House
Season 1 Episode 2: Our very first night
Oh god I have seen this episode soooo many times. The plotline is very difficult to believe, in that the three grown men who are thrown together in this house for the sole purpose of caring for three children didn’t find it necessary to mention to one another that they all had to go out at night. Sorry. Purportedly, I might add, on their FIRST NIGHT (this can’t be possible but this is the BS that the episode title is feeding us). Like we are actually supposed to believe that this was the first night that these chumps spent together? And every single adult is intending to peace out for the night? I’m sorry, but either they are complete sociopaths, OR NO. (Yes, they are all sociopaths).
- “Tarzan who was raised in the jungle by apes, was more put together than that baby.” THEIR NAMES ARE MICHELLE
- DJ Tanner was definitely my main bedroom AND dorm room interior design inspiration. I could never match her, though, she always keeps us guessing, like “here’s a pennant for The San Francisco Giants, wooooo! And here’s a pennant for Alcatraz! Yayyyyyy, prison!”
- I’ve been watching a lot of Escaping Polygamy lately and the limit of DJ’s hair is approaching sisterwife
- I want DJs sleep shirt
- Wait, is this a school night?
- First laugh out loud (if it is not clear already I guffaw at all Stephanie lines) Stephanie “Does pep mean you can’t blink?”
- Now the pizza guy wants to cut out of his job and stay and hang out with this tool and his weird band and two small girls? This is all extremely implausible. Also I’m gathering that the female singer here is supposed to be attractive but I, a redblooded American lesbian, just can’t even entertain the idea of it.
- Seriously, “is this a school night” is approaching “how old are Larry and Balki supposed to be” levels of torment within my brain.
- The Beastie Boys were/are fine gentlemen and I cannot believe that Bob Saget of all people would question their characters or babysitting skills and I am offended.
- Feel good ending, sure, but revisiting the title THIS WAS THEIR FIRST NIGHT. NONE OF THIS WAS OK ON THEIR FIRST NIGHT EVEN IF THEY FIGURE IT OUT IN THE END.
Quick pause in the TGIF to play HQ Trivia my name is starhanger you should play and enter my code to get me a free life too thanks. My wife’s name is kinetochore110 if you like her commentary better. Tonight, I was out well before this question but I deduced Candace was indeed a biblical name thanks to one Miss Cameron-Bure and her completely demented brother.
Family Matters
Season 1 Episode 2: Two Income Family
First off, REAL JUDY! Whew.
JG: “Things sometimes change from the pilot episode.
But, I do think they get rid of this Judy lat—”
Me: “Yeah yeah yeah she goes up the stairs and never comes back down I know I know”
So, in this ep Carl tells Harriet to ask for a raise at her elevator operator job, she does, they fire her b/c they had apparently been wanting to switch over to new fangled elevators for years but they adored her and didn’t have the heart to fire her until she spoke up for herself. (?) Our thoughts:
- Open on Carl: “Oh look at those jeans!” Cut to Eddie, enters kitchen: “OH LOOK A THOSE JEANS!”
- I HAD THAT FISHER PRICE KITCHEN THING IN THEIR KITCHEN IT WAS THE BEST
- Mother Winslow is pulling some demented shit right here but tbh I want to try the mashed turnips and bacon it kinda sounds good and I bet it is very low WW points
- This show is so much better than the drivel that preceded it.
- Full House lesson: three dudebro jackasses need to work on compiling a shared calendar to care for the three helpless children they signed on to take care of, and while they are at it also learn to say “no” from time to time.
- Family Matters lesson: Women should go after that job and not be intimidated by job posting requirements they feel they don’t qualify for and assert themselves when douchey men are dismissive.
- Wife and I have decided that Harriet and Carl are basically our style matches, and yes, that is an insult to me and a complement to her, it’s ok.
- I was very prescient and predicted the comeback of shoulderless shirts so now please now can acid wash jeans come back?
- IN ADDITION TO HAVING THEIR FISHER PRICE STOVE I THINK I ALSO HAD THEIR ACTUAL PEA GREEN STOVE.
That episode was excellent, I feel so inspired.
Now onto Balki Bartokomous
Perfect Strangers
Season 1 Episode 2: Picture This!
Just as I hit Play:
JG: “I looked up if Mypos is real. It is not.”
Me: “Does that make it less problematic?”
JG: “No. It does not.”
At this point in the night I’m pretty worn out on tracking these recaps.
- JG Getting very deep at the outset: “Is Balki Barokomous the original Kimmy Schmidt?” Yes. Yes, he is.
- Oh great cool Larry Appleton is justifying being paparazzi
- This episode is the exact same premise as the Full House episode except now they are supposed to be caring for a dog named Gorbachev which today of all days feels a bit on the nose. The theme of the night is grown white men shirking their responsibilities, apparently. I can’t wait for Step By Step
JG: “I just want you to make it really clear that I really hate this show”
Me: “I love this show.”
JG: Laughs out loud at an epic Balki line and is BUSTED
- I stopped paying attention but Larry just said “I learned I was a sleaze” and I gotta say, I’ve seen more episodes of this show, and spoiler alert, this lesson does not take.
- I have no clue what happened in this episode, plot-wise, there was a dog named Gorbachev and Dolly Parton cheating and I just drowned in the 80sness of it all, sorry
Step By Step
Season 1 Episode 2: The Dance
WAIT…
WHAT?
I must admit we were well aware of the Family Matters/Perfect Strangers crossover and two episodes in it has already lowkey ruined the viewing experience given the discontinuity of the timelines, but neither of us realized that Urkel was on Step By Step and this must be WAY DOWN THE LINE chronologically and WE ARE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT but WE MUST PUSH FORWARD. SORRY.
EVERYONE, FOR THE FIRST TIME, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO STEVE URKEL. ON STEP BY STEP.
JG (at a random blonde daughter on this show): “Was this girl on that show with the diamond that lit up pink?”
Before I can even answer that question, Urkel drops from the sky and my first thought is “This is why we should be watching Mr. Belvedere”
OK, took me a sec but “Out of this world” is the show with the diamond that lit up pink and the answer is no.
Oh good, Urkel is recapping the implausibility of the premise of this show.
Look at Suzanne Somers with her reusable bags! She is the only redeeming quality of this nightmare of a sitcom.
Ok I have just been leaning back and *taking this in* for a while, but I’m returning to let you know that everyone is now doing the Urkel dance. That they went to this in the second freaking episode of this show is something, I am not sure what that something is. I am not even going to bother with a recap because I don’t know what I just watced.