[Hey guys congrats! We won the Do Us A Flavor competition a few months ago with Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy, it was such an exciting and happy thing and not at all immediately pre-apocalyptic and I wish I had found the time to post a happy post about it but here were are, so let’s move on.]
Our nation has reached a critical juncture. We are faced with monumental decisions about how we will progress as a country. Everything we thought we knew, everything we thought we could trust, is being dismantled and thrown into disarray before our very eyes. I am talking, of course, about the Lays Do Us A Flavor competition.
Just last week, I was walking through Wegman’s when what did I see on the shelf but a bag, no, several bags, of Lay’s Wasabi Ginger potato chips.
In the year 2016, the very same Wasabi Ginger potato chips that had been eliminated by the voice of the American people three years before are sitting on the shelves ready to sneak into your pantries. And yes, I do think these chips are delicious and yes, I do think they deserve their day on the shelves, but I ask you, at what cost? The people have spoken and made their choice and the people chose Cheesy Garlic Bread potato chips. What message, then, does it send to the American people to place these Wasabi Ginger chips on the shelves? Do our votes not count? Are our voices not heard? Is the will of the people eternally destined to be trampled and oppressed by the whims and fancies of the potato chip establishment? Wasabi Ginger had a time and that time was the ’90s. I believe I speak for all of us when I say we must not go back in time. I believe the American people deserve more. I believe that if the red-blooded, natural-born American people decide that cheesy garlic powder tastes different from, and distinct from, and less establishment than, sour cream and onion powder, it is their God-given right to elect that chip over any other chip. The freedom to choose the flavor of the deep-fried potato slivers we cram into our mouths when we are super drunk or depressed or at a barbecue is what has always made America great, and what will continue to make America great for years to come. God Bless Lay’s, and God Bless America.