TJs Partially Popped Popcorn

“Why would you do this to yourself?”

was my first reaction to trying Trader Joe’s Partially Popped Popcorn.

I didn’t like these things the first time I tried them, back when they were called Corn Nuts. I don’t like them now. It’s literally the worst part of a popcorn bag, and according to the description they wasted valuable Trader Joe’s Food Research Laboratory man hours developing a “proprietary method…that makes them almost addictive & easier on the jaw.”

I’m serious, Joe really said that. Jesus Christ, just read this bullshit for yourself:

Almost addictive, but not quite addictive, because in order for a food to be addictive it generally needs to taste good, and these do not taste good.

I supposed half the reason you’d buy is to see what they look like, so here you go:

The bag says “with butter and sea salt” but the kernels are powdery, taste a little bit cheesy, and leave a film on your hands. None of this is OK. Just move along from this product unless you really hate yourself and your gums.

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